Veganuary (a challenge where non-vegans go plant-based for January) is coming up and I’ve been reflecting on how we vegans can be better at talking to omnivores about changing their diet. I think we often forget that it’s easier to get someone to adopt a behavior by showing how it fits with their beliefs rather than by attempting to change their beliefs: requesting someone to reconsider their beliefs is a much bigger ask than asking them to reconsider their behavior.
Even when the focus is on diet (a behavior), rather than animal rights (a belief), I’ve known well-intentioned vegans (including myself) to fall into the trap of making an appeal based on their motivations rather than the listeners’ beliefs. But that’s no fault of ours – we all remember our own experiences more vividly and it’s a common fallacy to assume others’ motivations will be the same as ours.
Getting to know someone’s values takes time and usually more than one conversation; most of the time it takes an entire relationship. Relationships provide space for conversations about beliefs and behaviors to emerge naturally, rather than having to artificially push an issue to the forefront. Relationships are also an excellent place for us to model the behavior (and its benefits) that we hope someone will adopt.
Whether you’re in an established relationship or creating a new one, curiosity is one of the best ways to learn about someone’s beliefs. It is safer for someone to open up if they feel like you genuinely care about their experiences and values, rather than waiting for them to say something that will allow you to spring a trap and push your beliefs.
When being curious, it’s important to stay attentive to how much the other person wants to share. Watch for signs of discomfort, make sure they are enthusiastic about the conversation, and offer stories from your experiences to match theirs so the conversation doesn’t get too one-sided. Just because you’re curious doesn’t mean they will be comfortable, and pushing into a place someone doesn’t want to go will destroy trust and credibility.
Once you know the other person’s values and a natural opportunity arises, you can make an appeal based on those values. In the case of Veganuary, this could look like asking someone to participate for the environment, animal rights, or health (the three most common motivations for participating cited on the Veganuary website). In general, the best opportunities are the other person showing some interest in your behavior or an external event, like Veganuary. When you do make the appeal, the trust you’ve built up in your relationship so far comes into play. Not pushing all the time makes it much more credible when you suggest a change.
It’s ironic that the best way to convince someone to adopt a behavior is to let go of getting them to do so. But if we can open ourselves to their experiences, they will be more inclined to open themselves to ours.
The Pragmatic Philosopher 