Some software developers are eager to get home from work and pick up a programming side project: exploring new technology, learning skills, or just messing around and making things. I was never one of these developers. I have a few half-hearted attempts: an out-of-date personal website with a gray and blue color scheme and a few barely-started games. Whenever I do try, I get tangled up and frustrated, staring at symbols I don’t understand. When I’m forced to confront a particularly gnarly piece of code at work, I suck it up and push through. I’d accepted that my only options were “run away” or “push through and suffer” until I learned about the gas and brakes model of behavior (officially known as the Dual Control model).
The gas and brakes model was originally developed as a model for sexual response: it says that a sexual response happens when we have gas (reasons to go, i.e. sexy things you see, hear, smell, touch, taste, or imagine) and no brakes (reasons to stop, including things like risk of STIs and social consequences). These reasons are often not thoughts, but rather experiences and feelings processed at a level below the conscious mind.
We don’t have to limit use of the model to sexual response, either. I’ve found it applicable for explaining a range of behaviors – everything from my reluctance to pursue software side-projects to exercise habits.
What I love about the gas and brakes model is that it explicitly draws attention to the fact that there is both a “go” lever and a “stop” lever, and only one configuration that leads to happy progress. Or as one expert puts it, “turn on the ons and turn off the offs” (Come as You Are, Dr. Emily Nagoski).
Having both of these in mind is particularly useful when cultural narratives overemphasize fixing either the gas or the brakes. For example, a narrative that overemphasizes filling up on gas is the narrative that, if you’re passionate about your work, you’ll be able to overcome any and all barriers. A perspective that often emphasizes removing brakes is Western medical practice: we go see doctors when something is broken, but not nearly as often to find out how to love exercise.
It’s not just cultural narratives that have a bias, either. I’ve noticed that I have a tendency to overlook brakes. Once I noticed that, I began to recognize the legitimacy of my brakes and take time to address them. I’ve gone from telling myself “I don’t do programming side projects because I don’t like them” to telling myself “I don’t do programming side projects because something about them trips my brakes.” Instead of thinking of my relationship to projects as a permanent trait, I’m getting curious about what is stopping me (especially given that I like programming in other contexts).
So, I’m here to repeat what I’m glad someone told me (thanks, Dr. Nagoski): whether you are out of gas or something is pressing your brakes or both, it’s okay. It’s normal. You can take time to figure it out. Explore, experiment, get curious.
Thanks to Early Readers: Erin Rosenfeld
Further Reading/Inspirations:
- “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski
- “Immunity to Change” by Robert Kegan
The Pragmatic Philosopher 
Fantastic post. When I started reading this, I immediately thought of Come As You Are and sexual response, and I’m glad that you explained the origin of the gas and breaks model in your post. The element of curiosity is so important–something often taught in mindfulness. I love how you describe cultural narratives and how they focus on either the gas or the breaks. For some reason, I don’t find that the language of this technique appeals to me; something about a car analogy just doesn’t resonate with me. I’m sure I could think of alternatives that hold the same meaning. Really wonderfully written – thank you for sharing!
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